Roberto Hued, a personal trainer in Manhattan, keeps himself busy with a mix of private training sessions and, three days a week, group yoga classes. He works with runners, swimmers and boxers, as well as people who are simply looking to improve their mobility or strength. But with an estimated 90 percent female client base, there’s another segment of his clientele worth mentioning: other men’s girlfriends.
This, along with his being single, straight and ripped, makes Mr. Hued susceptible to a stereotype that he and other trainers can’t seem to shake. The idea that a male personal trainer is liable to “take” another man’s girlfriend has placed the occupation high on the list of guys to be wary of in the dating world.
Mr. Hued recalled one woman who had so enjoyed his group classes that she asked about private sessions. It wasn’t long before the woman’s boyfriend learned that she had switched to one-on-one workouts. And he was OK with it at first — until the day Mr. Hued ran into the client and her boyfriend, who was finally able to put a face to a name.
“That was the last time I saw her,” Mr. Hued said. He later heard from a mutual friend that the woman’s boyfriend had expressed discomfort over her training with him, which led her to quit.
The assumptions that people make about the dangerous allure of the personal trainer has provided fodder for memes, TikTok videos and jokes that go beyond social media: A male personal trainer will use his job to get women. His slyness will require you to monitor your girl’s sessions to quell your insecurities. He might improve your health and break up your happy home. Do these stereotypes hold any weight?
Mr. Hued, 33, who has been a trainer for more than five years, said that he takes his job very seriously and that the stereotypes couldn’t be farther from the truth. Although he’s never dated a client, he’s still human.
“A lot of the time, I can be in a situation where I’m like, ‘Wow, this person is really attractive,’ but immediately I remember my setting,” he said. “I’m not at a bar. I’m not at a networking event. I’m here to work, to keep things safe.”
According to Jason Harrison, a strength and conditioning coach at Present Tense Fitness, a studio he owns with his wife, there’s a “quasi-intimate relationship” that develops between a trainer and a client. After all, who else in your life can claim to have a professional interest in the tilt of your pelvis?
Asked about jealous boyfriends who monitor their girlfriends’ workout sessions or demand a say in the selection of a potential trainer, Mr. Harrison, who mostly works with ballet and contemporary dancers, flipped the script on those insecure partners: “The idea of somebody needing permission from a husband or a boyfriend to do anything is toxic just on its face.”
Still, he recognizes that the stereotype didn’t come out of nowhere: Many worries are rooted in actual trainer behaviors, such as what he calls “unnecessary touching.” If he has to touch a client, he said, “it’s a failure of communication.”
Asking permission before every touch “establishes a climate of professionalism,” he said, “but almost a clinical kind of thing, so that the touch isn’t a warm touch — it’s ‘Here’s where I want your knee to go,’ or ‘This is how I want your scapula to glide on your rib cage.’”
With people dressed with skintight clothing and dripping in sweat, the gym is bound to be the site of meet-cutes and rampant flirting, among trainers and civilians alike. It’s also the setting for many unwanted advances and accusations of harassment.
Steven Jezyk, who has worked as a trainer for more than 18 years and lives in Los Angeles, admits that he has dated a client before, but he maintains that it wasn’t his intention at the start. One woman he encountered in the gym in 2021 quickly caught his eye — and not as a potential client — but after she learned he was a trainer, she engaged his services. They worked together for nearly a year before he came clean about his feelings.
“I tried to not even think about it, but it was so obvious that we had so much in common, and she was also interested in my social life,” Mr. Jezyk, 55, said. He tried to hold back his feelings — to a point. “But then after a year,” he said, “I figured, she’s still single, I’m still single and we’re at this point where it’s not going to matter if we started dating.”
Mr. Jezyk said that he had initially resisted their attraction because his job was more important than getting into a relationship that could ruin his reputation.
“You are pretty close to somebody,” Mr. Jezyk said of the training experience. “Sometimes you’re giving them more attention than their boyfriends or husbands for that hour.”
Jerry Hayes, a personal trainer in Denver, said that he had seen some uncomfortable moments in the gym between two people, but also moments during which “it looks like they might get married.”
He has had at least one instance in which a husband didn’t want his wife to have a male trainer, which he said he could understand. When a woman requests a trainer of the same sex, it’s typically so she can feel more comfortable in what can be a vulnerable setting, he said. He has met trainers who do indeed hit on their clients.
“It’s a very immature and careless thing to do, especially because it does create that stigma,” Mr. Hayes said, adding, “That can make a woman feel very uncomfortable and prevent her from going to the gym to begin with.”
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