By now, you’ve probably seen the pics of MLB players posing in jerseys and pants that look like little more than toilet paper draped to fit a human form. The uniforms are designed by Nike and manufactured by Fanatics, who appear to be doing a really great job of cornering the market on sports merchandising, quality and appearance be damned.
Before we get into it, let’s take a look at said jerseys and what’s causing all the hubbub. Here’s Mariners’ catcher Cal Raleigh graciously modeling them for us:
I don’t know if Raleigh knew exactly how see-thru these pants were going to be before he went on camera, but thank God for long shirt tails, or we’d all be getting to know Cal Raleigh much more intimately. My first thought on seeing this video was, “My God. What’s going to happen when it rains?” And if your mind immediately went to George Costanza getting the Yankees out of polyester and into cotton uniforms, you’ve had the correct response. Most players wear gear — usually dri-fit shirts and slider shorts under their unis, but you know there’s going to be someone (probably Robbie Ray), who is going to end up really putting himself out there for the fans in a way he didn’t intend.
Secondly, there’s something about the new jerseys that just look…cheap. Like you’re buying them from a guy outside the ballpark who has 20 of them on a stick. If, like me, you’re not someone who studies the way jerseys have evolved over time, you might not be able to put your finger on what looks wrong. That’s where X user @TheBobbyMullins is helpful:
The names on the back of the jerseys are definitely much smaller — and all that white space is never a good look. But the material the uniforms are made of seems to upset most of the players who have spoken out. This is the new Nike Vapor gear, designed, according to Nike, to dry faster and provide more stretch than traditional uniforms and, while you’d never know it, Nike claims they developed this material after six years worth of input from players. Nike also says the company scanned the bodies of 300 players in 2018 to get the correct fit, which definitely doesn’t sound like something straight out of a dystopian horror movie. “Get a move on, Corey! Get in there and get your body scanned for capitalism.”
It’s not unusual to hear fans moaning about uniform changes. Every year there’s a huge debate about the City Connect jerseys and New Era regularly takes a beating over its caps (I’m still not over them putting deep dish pizza on the Chicago caps), but it’s unusual for players and fans to both hate something simultaneously.
One anonymous Baltimore Oriole told reporters, “I think that the performance wear might feel nice, but the look of it is like a knockoff jersey from T.J.Maxx.” Ouch. Taylor Ward of the Angels told The Athletic that the new jerseys “looked like a replica” and the pants were “kind of like papery.” Another Orioles player said, “Whatever they are, they aren’t that great,” adding, “Honestly, I’m going to trade that in all day, every day, for the jerseys and pants we had last year. I’m not a fan of them, and I think that’s pretty much the consensus, too.” The Yankees’ Tommy Kahnle agreed. “I think the consensus is they’re not too great. … I know a lot of the guys don’t really like them.”
Well YIKES, Nike. That’s six years of “player input” and creepy body scans down the tubes. Of course, it could be that the new unis really are some kind of ground-breaking material that’s going to keep players cool and dry and have them all playing like MVPs. But given the current state of the world, it’s hard to imagine that the unis don’t look cheaper because they are cheaper, as almost everything seems to be these days, including the quality of our clothing.
While the players figure out how to wear these things without educating little Jacob sitting down the third baseline on what happens during puberty, fans have had some pretty funny reactions. Craig Calcaterra wrote in his newsletter this morning (of the giant sponsorship patches the Royals unveiled yesterday), “To sum up: players’ names on the back of jerseys: nearly invisible. Players’ nutsacks and sponsorship patches: Visible from the International Space Station. Fantastic job, everyone. No notes.”
And then this happened:
If you would like to purchase the same jerseys players will be wearing on the diamond, it’ll run you a cool $400 or so. No word on what it would cost to get your hands on the pants, but there are definitely people who are going to want to parade around in these things — probably the same old guys that love to hang out naked in the locker room of your local fitness center.
The good news is that Nike/Fanatics signed a 10-year deal with MLB in 2019, so we still have years of this kind of shenanigans to look forward to. Play ball(s)!
