I am swimming in the belly bulge of menopause. I used to have a moody-meets-beach rocker vibe, but these days I’m just moody. I don’t know how to dress for this new stage. Please help. — Dorene, Hampton Bays, N.Y.
Everyone experiences menopause differently. It’s custom-made by nature for each body, tailored to the individual. Yet no matter what symptoms you encounter, the fact that menopause changes your feelings about your psychological and physical self is universal.
A whole menopause-industrial complex has sprung up as part of the “wellness” movement — and celebrities like Naomi Watts (who has her own line of Stripes menopause products), Oprah Winfrey and Gwyneth Paltrow (whose Goop has five pages of menopause-related stuff) can’t stop talking about it. Still, most of the conversations center on managing physical issues — hot flashes, hormone fluctuations, bone-density measurements, sex — and altered brain chemistry.
Given how intrinsically connected clothes are to how we feel and who we are, however, and how wrapped up menopause and everything it represents is with issues of aging and female invisibility, dress also plays a crucial role in navigating this life stage. After all, wearing something that makes you smile or feel strong or safe or glamorous is one of the simplest and most accessible life hacks available.
When I asked Jill Kargman, a comedian who has been known to riff on the M subject, what she would recommend, she said, “My advice is do NOT scale back.” Clothes do not “have to be skintight to be cool,” she said. “You want to become the balsamic reduction of yourself.”
(I’m not sure exactly what that last line means, but it sounds fabulous.)
There are a few basic strategies to consider. First, layer. This is the most obvious solution to fluctuating body temperature and shape. That does not mean a muumuu. It means separates.
A crew neck over a shirt with a structured blazer and scarf with jeans (high- or low-waist, depending on your comfort zone) looks polished, and pieces can be added or discarded at will. If you no longer love your upper arms, slip a long-sleeve, leotard-like top or bodysuit beneath your sleeveless tops. Well-tailored jackets cover any stomach sensitivities you may have. Why do you think men have been wearing them for so long?
Second, liberate yourself from the numbers, which is to say the sizes associated with a garment. They are, as has been widely reported, an abstract concept for most brands, not a judgment. Buy the size that feels most comfortable, as opposed to the one you are used to, and then find a good tailor.
Third, consider materials. Look for breathable fabrics like cotton, linen and bamboo, which can lighten your senses as well as your mood.
And finally, embrace accessories. They are, Ms. Kargman said, “your expressive friend.” She added, “A studded belt can echo your thorny mood.” Take a page from Madeleine Albright’s memoir “Read My Pins” and use jewelry or other touches as your own personal semiology — and a way to manipulate the attention of the watching world.
Want them to focus on your face rather than your middle? Tie a bright silk scarf around your neck, or wear a statement necklace. Invest in a top or blazer with some eye-catching embroidery or beading. This was also the Andy Warhol approach to distraction: He dyed his hair platinum so people focused on the color rather than the fact that it was a wig. There is a Pavlovian instinct in all of us to look at the most shiny thing, so use that to your advantage.
At a time when it’s easy to feel out of control of yourself, feeling in control of how people react to you is extremely satisfying.
Your Style Questions, Answered
Every week on Open Thread, Vanessa will answer a reader’s fashion-related question, which you can send to her anytime via email or Twitter. Questions are edited and condensed.
